Not Dating Friends
Feb 6th, 2006 by Graham Booker
If a girl doesn’t wish to date a guy out of “risking the friendship”, then she is better off taking the risk and go out with him.
Introduction
This Assertion has a companion document which describes a course of action towards those on the other side of this situation. I suggest reading the companion first as some things in this document build open it.
This document is more addressed to girls, because I have seen them chose to not date someone out of risking the friendship more than guys, but I believe that guys can be guilty of this as well.
Terms
For the purposes of this discussion, I will use the following terms:
- Initiatorthe one who takes the step to turn the relationship into a dating relationship.
- Responderthe one who has to formulate an answer to the Initiator, likely to being asked out on a date.
Risking the Friendship
I say to all responders out there that if the only reason you will not date an initiator is because you are worried about ruining the friendship, then you are foolish to say no. If the initiator asks you out, then he sees you as a prospect. This is not something that will go away simply by saying “no” but will take time. Upon hearing a no, the initiator is presented with a choice.
The initiator can continue to be friends with the responder hoping to work things out. I strongly advise against this course of action. My reasons are best described in the companion document. The second choice on part of the initiator is to distance himself from the responder. This is the action I suggest. I have been given this advice in the past, and been hurt because I chose to ignore it.
Conclusion
I believe the reason why many girls don’t want to risk the friendship is because they have seen so many friendships lost through dating a friend. While this is a very real concern, I believe that the alternative is a surer way to lose a friend. If risking the friendship is the only reason you don’t want to date a guy, then I suggest that you take the risk. It may turn into something great, and even if you should break up at some point, there is still the chance that you have a mutual breakup. Here you have the chance that both transition to seeing the other as a friend, and thus keep the friendship in the end.